Sunday 14 August 2011

Back to Work/Anxiety Army

7 weeks, yes 7 weeks off work due to depression.  I made the big step last week of deciding to return to work.

So that's it, I met my manager and a phased return has been discussed and agreed for next week.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it yet.  I think I've actually pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind.  I don't have to deal with the anxiety.  No doubt as soon as my head hits the pillow this evening, they'll come racing to the front and crash into thoughts keeping me awake.

I have some sleeping tablets, the only downside or risk in taking them is sometimes they're a little too strong, even half and I'll sleep through my alarm.  This is another little critter that has been added to my anxiety army.

I've spent this evening playing Pioneer Trail on Facebook, it's pretty mundane but it's enough to keep the feelings at bay.  Unfortunately it's pretty buggy due to a big update and I've hit a stalemate.  I thought I'd come on here and write a quick blog instead of hitting panic stations.

                                                     

Physically I feel pretty calm, I do have a massive urge to eat and eat though.  This is usually a pretty good sign that I'm feeling anxious.

My husband  has gone to the gym to relieve a little bit of stress.  He didn't finish work until 10pm and goes straight after.  The house is very quiet as Thomas is in bed, actually I tell a lie, the cats are 'playing' which involves taking big hairy chunks out of each other. Oh well, it'll give Adrian something to clean up in the morning.

I've spent hours reading about DSLR cameras and techniques, I do own a Canon 1000D but I've not got enough confidence to go out into public and snap away.  I've limited myself to friends kids parties and the park.   The problem is I read and read then I realise it's dark so I can't really have a play with the settings, I'll need to get myself a couple of magazines and get out and about.

                                                           

We're Silverstone next weekend so I may purchase a tripod and have a go, nobody is going to judge me, are they?  (again, another anxiety critter)





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